


Heaven

by geethr75



Series: Destiel Codas [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x20, Angst, Coda, Dean is an Idiot, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, dean and cas - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27774997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geethr75/pseuds/geethr75
Summary: Even in Heaven, Dean can't be happy
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Destiel Codas [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2032078
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	Heaven

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CassandraRose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassandraRose/gifts).



Heaven is everything he could want or hope for or dream of. It is long drives in Baby with no need to stop for gas or maintenance. It is days in the roadhouse, catching up with his friends and family. It is evenings with Sam, and a couple of beers, swapping insults. It is dinners with his parents, chatting about nothing in general. It is quiet evenings, stretched out on Baby’s hood, and watching the stars and remembering his life back on earth. It is skipping stones across a lake, contemplating words that he had never said, but were said to him.

It is knowing that even Heaven cannot take away the sting of those words from his mind, cannot remove the burn of them from his tongue, cannot lessen this ache whenever the memory of a trenchcoat and blue eyes intrudes. It is accepting he has lost his chance and should move on. It is looking up into the sky the exact colour of Cas’ eyes and wanting to send up a prayer.

Yet, Dean hesitates.

Not because he is afraid Cas wouldn't come, but because he is afraid he will. When hasn’t Cas come? Dean cannot forget the look on Cas’ face when the empty took him. The peace, the joy, the tears. It is the tears that kills him, even here. Cas confessed his feelings, laid his soul bare, risked everything for Dean and all Dean did was to stand there and gape like an idiot.

It doesn’t matter that Dean whispers those three words to Cas in his heart every second, that he cherishes the words Cas spoke, that there is nothing he wants more than to pray to Cas and meet him. He doesn’t deserve Cas. He never has, and he knows he never will. Cas has always seen the best in him. Now Dean can see something worthy in him, something that made him deserve Heaven, and happiness, but that doesn’t make him worthy of Cas. Dean doesn’t think there’s anything he can do that will make him good enough for Cas.

Seeing Cas in the roadhouse comes as a bit of shock. Dean is rooted to where he stands in the doorway, watching Cas chat with Sam, Bobby, and his parents. Cas’ eyes swivel to him even though no one else has noticed Dean yet. Before Cas could say his name, Dean bolts. Perhaps he is a coward, but he knows he cannot walk in there and pretend. Not with Cas there. If he goes near the angel, he won’t be able to stop himself from blurting out those three words, from grabbing him by the trenchcoat and kissing him stupid.

So Dean runs, gets into Baby and drives away. He has no destination in mind, the only thought is to get away, even as everything in him is screaming at him to go back, to tell Cas. Dean can’t; Cas deserves better, and Dean is selfish. If the angel professes his love again, Dean will never let him go. For Cas’ sake, he has to stay away.

Of course, Dean has forgotten Cas is an angel. He nearly crashes Baby into a tree when Cas appears on the seat next to him.

“Cas.” he whispers when the car has stopped and his breath is back. Every other word seems to have disappeared from his vocabulary. “Cas.”

“Hello Dean.” Cas’ smile is serene, his eyes full of joy.

Dean averts his eyes. If he looks into those blue eyes, he won’t be able to control himself.

“You know I am aware of your thoughts, don’t you?” Cas asked.

Dean is startled into looking at Cas and loses every thought. He is lost in the blue of the eyes that have always seen into his soul, and all he can think of is Cas.

“I love you.” Cas says and Dean breaks.

  
  
  
  



End file.
